A Small Telling Moment
by theamck
Summary: Tommy and Helen argue. Is she right to be jealous of Barbara?


A small, telling moment

There had been an atmosphere of tension for several days in the Lynley house, and Tommy was confused as to what was going on. The longer he and Helen were together, the less he understood her. Sometimes, his efforts to make her happy seemed to be paying off, but then there'd be a change in her mood that puzzled him. He suspected that his busy week at work was at the bottom of what was bothering her today. There had been a series of dreadful murders which had kept him from home for long days, but he thought that she understood why that was necessary. So, before he left this morning, he put his arms around her. "I'm so sorry, darling," he said softly. "This case has been so awful and it's kept me from home and you, but I think we're close to a solution. Barbara had this brilliant insight, which I think may lead us to…."

"Please!" she said, pulling away from him. "I do not want to hear about Barbara's brilliance, her insight, or anything else about her. Barbara Havers sees ten times more of you than I do, and when you're here, I wish you weren't thinking about her!"

He tried to coax her back into his arms. "Darling, I don't understand. You're my wife; we're trying to build a life together now you're back. Barbara is my partner, that's work, you know that."

"Is it?" she said coldly, "I sometimes…no, OFTEN, think that she is more important to you than I am. I think I once said that if you were having an affair with her, I'd get it. But she has all the cards in her favor. 'Its work', you say, and I'm supposed to accept that. I think it's more than that. I think you love her."

"Yes, I do…as a friend!" He was getting angry, about the accusation and Helen's lack of trust in him. "I have never even thought of having an affair with Havers. But yes, of course, she is important to me. I thought you understood what a partner means in the police. And that's what she is, my partner, my friend. You are my wife. I come home at night to you."

Her face was still cold and her voice as well. "Physically," she said, and turned to go upstairs. "I have to get ready for my class. Go on to your murders and your brilliant PARTNER. Your work."

Driving to the Met, Tommy was awash in a mixture of feelings. Anger at and disappointment in Helen. Confusion about his love for Barbara, feelings he had been trying very hard to push away. There was such a difference in the way he and Barbara argued – an explosion often followed by laughter, not like the tense conflicts with his wife. He had once come very close to telling Barbara of his growing affection for her, his awareness of his attraction to her. But then Helen had reappeared, and wanted to work at their marriage. Of course, he had gone along with it, and was still working at making the marriage a success. "Was marriage always this difficult, needing work to make it work? "he thought. He wanted Helen to be happy. He wanted Barbara to be happy too. He had to give her credit for accepting the importance of his marriage, and for the loss of the times they had spent together during the separation from Helen. No more drinks after work, no more dinners, no more working at the house. She never showed even a glimmering of resentment at the loss of their intimacy. But what of his own loss? Was Helen right, that Barbara was more important to him than his wife? He had not been quite truthful when he'd said he never thought of an affair with his partner. He knew he had been thinking about her physically for a while, before Helen came back. But he'd pushed those ideas away, with a trace of sadness. Maybe he'd just been lonely. But Helen was right too about how important Barbara was to him. He vowed to refrain from talking about her at home, to work harder at his marriage. Maybe it was time for him to take one of the promotions that had been offered. And time for Barbara to admit that she'd passed the Inspector exam over a year ago. He smiled ruefully, thinking that they both had the same reason – they did not want to stop working together. So Helen was right, he thought. Are we….am **I** ready to give up Barbara as my partner? He was not at all certain of the answer.


End file.
